I Carry You in my Heart
Danielle D’Antuono
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart.
Trying to speak my broken Tagalog.
Only broken because you made my mom
Hate her culture.
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart
Because I pay for your fragility
As I correct your mistakes.
Isn’t that your responsibility?
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart
When you ask me if I’m adopted
Since I don’t look like them.
I don’t look like anyone.
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart
When you ask me where I’m from,
Assuming it’s not from here,
But rather another country
Because that’s what you really mean,
Right?
To You,
I’m not from here
Because my skin isn’t snow white
Nor are my features light.
I can never be just right.
I don’t know why.
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart
Because, to You,
I’m not American.
I’m the enemy.
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart
Because, to You,
I’m foreign.
Almost like I’m from another planet
As I eat my gross food,
That’s what you call it,
Right?
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart
Because your cultural appropriation
Is just a manifestation
Of your ignorance.
I carry you on my shoulders,
Not in my heart
Since, to You,
It’s just a joke.
I carry you in my heart,
Not on my shoulders
As you ask me about my culture.
You’re the first to be invested.
I carry you in my heart,
Not on my shoulders
As we dance in Lola’s kitchen
Singing karaoke.
I carry you in my heart,
Not on my shoulders
With the promise that life here would be better.
It turned out to be worse.
I carry you in my heart,
Not on my shoulders
Imagining how life could be,
While You only want to flee.
I carry you in my heart,
Not on my shoulders
Because I’ve been to the field and back.
It’s better out there.