Picture this: you are seated at the world-famous Colosseum in Ancient Rome, and you have a sudden need to use the restroom. You make your way to the public restrooms to relieve yourself, and as you finish, you politely wait as the communal sponge is passed around the room. When your turn arrives, you grasp the stick, complete with a wet sea sponge at the point, and dip it into a pot of brown, bubbling vinegar (to kill fecal bacteria, of course), the smell of which invades your nostrils like fire. You flinch as the acidic vinegar burns your behind, simultaneously flashing a forced smile at your neighbors watching you, waiting patiently for their turn. When you finish, you pass the sponge to your neighbor.

 

     Now imagine Moses is leading you out of Egypt across the desert, and you stray from the wandering caravan to do your business in private. When you finish, you grab a handful of pebbles and broken seashells from your waist-pouch, and grimace as you scour your posterior. Returning to the caravan, you feel the stray pebbles abrading your delicate flesh. Oh, how you wish you lived in China, where you would’ve had the pleasure of using a cloth-wrapped wooden spatula.

 

     You are a virtuous yeoman farmer in rural Pennsylvania celebrating gaily with your wife regarding Jefferson’s recent rise to power and his repeal of the dreaded whiskey tax. You excuse yourself, as the pork and bean stew from last evening’s supper has disrupted your bowel movements. Making your way to the outhouse, you sigh with contentment at the sight of your successful corn crop from this season. You do your business peacefully in the soft glow of dusk and habitually reach for pages of The Farmers Almanac - 1792 Version, nailed to the wall of your outhouse. Alas, there are no pages left! You groan in exasperation and venture to your cornfields to find a corncob with which to clean yourself.

 

     Hundreds of years earlier, in late 14th century China, dedicated laborers produce thousands of hygiene paper sheets for the Emperor’s family. You are a local tradesman, so no luck! The coveted paper sheets, bathroom treasures, are only for the extremely wealthy: the emperor and his imperial court. You sigh; perhaps your cloth-wrapped spatula will suffice.

 

     Fast forward to 1857, Joseph Gayetty introduces “Gayetty’s Medicated Paper for the Water-Closet” (not yet splinter-free).

 

     Jump ahead to today and you find “finger-breakthrough resistant,” water absorbent, soft (splinter-free), double ply, scented toilet paper, widely available at low cost. Scores of people have contributed to the refinement of modern-day toilet paper, with continuous improvement since its introduction over 150 years ago, resulting in a consumer friendly product, selling more than 7 billion units annually in the U.S. alone. Toilet paper is in constant high demand; it was the first product to sell out during the COVID-19 pandemic, as people feared widespread shortages and reversion to ancient practices. Toilet paper represents a colossal advance in human hygiene, comfort, and convenience that each of us makes use of multiple times a day.