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By: Anonymous
This is it. This is the big boss fight that’s supposed to be near the end of the story, where the main character valiantly fights against the main villain™ and wins through the power of friendship.
Instead, you have me. I clumsily stumbled onto the pedestal, ready to be transported into the chamber of the evil Hdjiaofjo.
Now is the time where you wonder, “Hdjiaofjo? What the hell?” Well, let me tell you a little secret. But you’ve got to come closer. … No, even closer. Ready? Here it is: the author of this story was too lazy to come up with a name, so she just did a keyboard smash. Shhh, don’t tell anyone. That’s a secret that only you know… even though this is going to be publicly posted on a discussion board. But we’ll pretend you’re special.
Okay, okay, back to the story. Focus. The pedestal started glowing, and as it released a schwoop, my vision blurred as the scenery around me was covered by the blue light of a portal. Now, I know that this story is beginning to sound like a generic RPG, but I promise, the author did not base this off of a specific video game.
As the world around me reformed to look like a dungeon, I readied myself, my flame sword lighting up the room. How am I holding a sword that is literally burning? Well, I dunno. Let’s just say… I’m in a world that embodies a lot of lore, and this is only a part of the whole story, so it will be explained in another part. Sounds good? Good. Let’s move on, because I have no idea how long this story is supposed to be, and I feel like I’m just rambling now. I’ll shut up. Wait, no I won’t; I’m narrating the story.
Anyway, I was terrified, so naturally, I did what anyone would do and lunged at the nearest thing, which turned out to be a bucket filled with… something. Yeah, I guess I should’ve investigated it, but I didn’t know what was going to happen! Embarrassed, I moved on and discovered a hallway that – you guessed it! – led to another room.
I nervously creeped down that hallway, my own shadow scaring me every time I made a sudden movement. Yeah, you can imagine how well that went. Finally, after what seemed like twelve years but was probably just a few minutes, I came upon the great, THE TERRIBLE HDJIAOFJO!!!!! (This is the part where you gasp in terror and start to tremble.)
Okay, but before I continue… Can you please back up? The- the secret was like, five paragraphs ago. You don’t need to sit this close to me. It’s really making me uncomfortable. … Thank you, that’s much better.
Where was I? Ah, yes, the part where I came upon the great, THE TERRIBLE HDJIAOFJO!!!!! (Seriously, can you stop making me feel lamer than I already do?) I immediately entered into combat mode, slashing at its ugly hide. That is, until I realized that I was doing absolutely no damage whatsoever.
Terrified, I backed up, down the hall and back to the portal. But I forgot one thing. Remember that bucket? Yeah, I didn’t. Apparently, whatever was inside it was flammable, and as my sword came into contact with it… it blew up. And now, I’m here. Dead. So, the moral of the story is: if you want to fight evil, remember the bucket. The end. … Okay, you can leave now. … Please leave; this is getting really awkward.