Untitled
By: Hailey Tsuchiya
You said you were afraid of damaging books
I am a book
Cover wide open, lock unclasped
You took a pen and defaced the pages
Words buried under a mountain of black ink
Wounds painted on me like plums, skin torn and bruised
Still, less painful than the words you used to say
Why did you think this was okay?
Why did I think this was okay?
I mean I wasn’t being bullied
It’s fine. I’m totally okay.
But there you were, tearing out the pages one by one
My self-esteem left to gather like dust on the floor
I didn’t want to do it
I didn’t want to play
My life was a board game, yet you were the only player
I was incapable of realizing how I was lonely before, but I’m lonelier now
I am the one neglected book on the top shelf of a library
Gathering apathy and contempt like cobwebs and dust
Undesired, unloved, unread
I am a shadow
The preface of your book, which is always skipped
The insignificant version of you who follows your every move
You define me. I am nothing without you.
You racked up an army of friends with a mask on your face
Concealing your lies, and exposing false truth
They laughed at your jokes where the punchline was me
It’s one against all, you said
It’s all against me
Every day I felt scared
That I would be unprepared
For the pinches, slaps, and kicks all delivered rhythmically
A toe-tapping beat
Insecurity and self-hatred building up like water against a dam
My book overflowing with pages
Ready to explode, but the lock was jammed shut
Until it was all too much
With a pop, the lock exploded like a firework
Words and emotion are like tears on the pages
Unable to stay hidden behind the covers I held up for so long
I open up them up
And let the narrative unfold